All of my Futurist Predictions for 2026

I’ve always thought I could be a Futurist. (That’s a real job, in which someone is paid good money to predict what’s next.) This year I want to test my ability and make 8 predictions at the start of the year. At the end of 2026, I’ll check back and see how many I was right about…

All of my predictions are based on having a feeling about something and making near-constant cultural observations. 

1) I smell… Pistachio !! (And other artisanal scents.) The nutty vanilla smell of pistachio is about to be in everything - hand soap, body lotion, candles…

And I’ve noticed a big shift from the department store perfume to what can only be described as the artisanal scent. These are small batch, unique fragrance - so that anyone can find their very own - and smell like no one else. 

2) I see: green, green, green (on nails everywhere). (This one is mainly a feeling, so we’ll just have to see if I’m right.) 

3) Pastry-archy Cakes: Sweet, classic-looking cakes - with a little pissed-off edge - on t-shirts, in real life, as art, on banners, as… a pillow. 

4) Crushing on Anything Analog: 

Recreating the 90s and 2000s lifestyle by: 

• using cash
• listening to the radio
• buying CDs
• going to the library
• reading physical books
• watching DVDs
• going to the store to buy shit (instead of ordering it online)
• mailing postcards… 
• and getting landlines! 

5) Bowie-like glitter make-up AND Bowie boots.

Literally Google “Bowie boots” and a plethora of brand new options will present themselves.

But more so, I’m seeing dramatic glitter make-up looks and glitter hairsprays. I think this stems from the EDM scene, Euphoria, and a collective need for some escapism.

6) This is my most brave prediction of the year. It’s based on thinking the Coastal Cowboy concept will move more toward beachy, rainbow hues and the “I just stumbled out of the ocean” look. 

Basically, 2026 will be the year of the Fire Horse AND the Beach Barbie.

Mermaid Out of Water Aesthetic 

Mumu’s Wear Me Out Dress 

7) Whimsical Beverages - with sprinkles, whipped cream, and pastel rainbow moon milk hues (colored with natural ingredients like turmeric and spirulina)

8) Ass Cracks, please? This is more a hope than a prediction, but when are low-rise things returning? I went to high school during the prime of the snug low-rise flare jean - with your thong poking out the top when you kneel down. I am so tired of the  high-waisted everything - let it end.

I want ass cracks to be in again... here’s me hoping for a comeback.